I am about 4 weeks away from taking my radioactive iodine pill. All joking aside, I've been pretty scared about the process. I have been off my thyroid hormone pill for 2 weeks now and have been taking a substitute pill that goes out of my system almost as fast as it goes in. It gives me a boost for now, but that even goes away Tuesday when I have to stop taking that. It took some time to even get that dosage right. It was making me hyperthyroid for awhile. I found my heart beating out of my chest and woke up one night needing a 4-course-meal at 1 a.m. Needless to say, I called my doc the next day.
I'm not sure if I will become zombie-like in the next few weeks or if I will escape the mortal consequences of having no thyroid. I am praying I won't have to accept what seems to be the inevitable, but I have to be prepared either way. I recently read someone else's blog that stated she'd rather take her chances with cancer than to go hypothyroid. It feels like I have an anvil around my neck waiting to pull me under.
I think the many prayers I've received have given me a peace about the whole process. There are days I forget I even have cancer. I can listen to my son go on and on (and on) about steam engines and coal cars and actually engage. Ok, that's a lie. There's only so much train talk I can take, but I do feel happy and plugged in to spending time with my little train conductor.
I bought my first-ever can of infant formula today. Just another reminder of the choices that have been taken away from me. I hadn't planned on cancer taking away my decision to nurse, but here I am. Public service announcement: it's not about the great formula vs. breastmilk debate. It's about my choice.
So if my next blog post is in zombie-speak, please disregard and send happy thoughts my way anyway.
Now where is my little train conductor? I think I have some train talking to do.
Amanda-
ReplyDeleteYou write with such poignancy. I am touched by your openness to share what you are experiencing and amazed at your ability to keep your sense of humor throughout what must have been difficult to find the words to express. Please know my prayers are with you and your family.
Carla
I'm a complete stranger so it's hard for me to really comprehend what you're going through, but I love the honesty and openness with which you're sharing your journey. Thank you. Do you have friends who could donate breastmilk for your baby? I don't know your circumstances of course, but I just wonder if there are other options available to you which you may not have been aware of. La Leche League would be a great source of information and support. xxo
ReplyDeleteHi cousin...once your thyroid is out, you will be considered hypothyroid for life. When I first had mine out, my numbers were so off the chart in hypothyroid-land that the doc couldn't believe I was at work when she called me. Was I tired? Yes. Did I have dry skin? Yes. I have never missed a day of work from it. Being hypothyroid for a short time will not kill you.
ReplyDeleteYou will get to where you know how you feel and what is going on.
I know you will get through this. It will be difficult, but it is doable.