So that Police song pretty much covers the next step here. I don't think Sting said anything about standing at least 6 feet away, but you get the point.
The date is set for February 25. That's the day I swallow a pill that contains such extreme amounts of radiation that I can't be close to another human being for 5 days. Maybe I can wear one of those lamp shades they put on dogs after they have surgery- excuse me, but do you have this in a 6-foot?
I walked out of the doctor's office last week with a detailed schedule of how the next 2 months will go. First thing's first: stop taking my thyroid medication. That is the part I am most worried about. I imagine the doctor could have said something like this:
You will feel so sleepy that you might not even be aware that you are conscious at times. Forget about eating anything and actually getting it to come back out. You will probably feel extremely depressed, so don't keep any sharp objects nearby. You don't own a gun, do you?
This is honestly the part I had to hold back tears about. I have become somewhat fond of my thyroid meds. So if you see me trying to score some levothyroxin on the streets, just turn the other cheek.
I also have to start a low-iodine diet two weeks before taking the radioactive iodine (RAI) pill. No salt. No dairy. No chocolate. No taste. This helps the remaining thyroid tissue that will be targeted by the RAI pill to better soak up the sun-shiny rays of radiation.
For three days straight before the treatment, I have to report to the hospital at the crack of dawn to subject myself to poking and prodding-most of which I don't yet understand. They have to give me a test pill and make sure I haven't been impregnated without my prior knowledge. Then the big day... drum roll please...
I will choke down my glow pill and high-tail it into hiding for five days. I guess I will do my best to stay in the car pool lane on the way there.
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