Slower than a speeding bullet. More exhausted than the Octo-mom. Hungrier than the Very Hungry Caterpillar. It's... Radio-acto Girl!
Yup, it's official. I am now radioactive.
Public Service Announcement: If you are not a fan of whining, complaining, or plain old cry-babying, you may want to skip this post. It's for your own good. Trust me.
The last 4 weeks have been rough. That's putting it nicely. I have been gradually getting more and more worn out and exhausted to the point I can't see straight at times and have had to take a power nap just to be able to stand. This low iodine diet I've been on for 2 weeks now has been really, really bad. God bless my sister for doing it with me, but at the 1-1/2 week mark, she almost had a nervous breakdown and had to pull out of the race. I don't blame her. My choices are plain chicken, a rice cake, or plain chicken for dinner. Again. Um, I'll take hunger for 1000, Alex.
The tiredness is indescribable at times. Sometimes I am really not sure if I am conscious. A normal thyroid level is supposed to be below 5. Last week I checked in at 74. I am not a mathematician, but I think that when you add in the diet and divide it by the anxiety of all the trips to the hospital this week, it equals a big bag of suck.
So on my fourth trip to the hospital this week, I was beyond ready to get my radioactive on. I pictured a guy in a space suit dropping the pill on me with a fishing pole. Something like Marty on Back to the Future when he tells George McFly he will fry his brain if he doesn't ask Lorraine to the dance. It ended up being a guy in a white lab coat who handed me a heavy, double container that had a little capsule in it. "Just be sure you don't put it in your hand in case there is some radioactive residue on the outside," he said to me. Ok, good thing you told me. I will just put it in my mouth and ingest it into my body instead. Much safer.
I think I got a little delirious because I couldn't help but laugh so hard I started to tear up a little when he was handing it to me. I asked him if he was going to dive over the partition when I unscrewed the cap. He didn't really dive, but he did take a few very cautious steps back. Bottoms up.
And that was that. I sat in a chair for about 45 minutes so they could make sure I didn't hurl and then they sent me off. There was no secret passage way I took to get out of the hospital. I felt a little strange doing this. At least if anyone tries to mug me on my way out I won't need karate. I'll just pull out my radio-acto girl card that Lab Coat Guy gave me and they will beg me for mercy and run away screaming like a baby. (Insert Radio-acto Girl theme song here).
So I drove off to my secret Radio-acto Girl location where I will spend some much needed quiet time to rest. Good thing we got a few feet of snow dumped on us out here because when I got to the house I got my car stuck at the bottom of the driveway. Well, I guess it won't hurt me to shovel for the next hour even though I haven't had anything to eat or drink since the night before and I think I may pass out. Oh well, no rest for the weary.
So here I am with a room full of movies and 5 days to watch them. It's pretty quiet around here- not something I'm used to. My 10-month-old is ready to walk any day now. I told him to hold off until mommy gets back next week. My 4-year-old said he would call me each day and I will look forward to that. Until then, I am counting the minutes until I get to eat regularly again, start taking my medication that makes me feel human again, and go home. Lab Coat Guy said I should start pounding down some sour candies in the morning, as it helps bring out the radiation a little faster via my salivary glands. Yum, can't wait. Um, doesn't pizza do that too? I swear I heard that somewhere. I'd be happy to substitute.
So here's to a few days of solitude, sleeping, and a marathon of the Twilight movies. Radio-acto Girl is up, up, up and awaaaaaayyyy!
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